While I do my best to stay abreast of all things technological and pop-cultural, one trend I have yet to bow to is the one that's put the iPod in the pocket of every American under retirement age who doesn't live in a shack in the woods. As such, it wasn't until just recently that I learned about Apple's campaign to get celebrities from across the various lists (A to Why are you famous) to submit to iTunes a compilation of their favorite tracks with explanations behind the selection of each song.
Curious, I logged onto The Girlfriend's iTunes and clicked on "Celebrity Playlists" to see what I could find. The first person's list to catch my eye was Al Gore's. Like his wife, his list was short, phony, bloated, and boring. What a shocker.
Inspired by the unabashed smugness of the Democratic Party's Professor Emeritus of Incompetence, I posted his songs, his explanations, and my commentary below:
I Need to Wake Up (From "An Inconvenient Truth") - Melissa Etheridge
"There are many of Melissa Etheridge's songs I could choose to be a part of my list. But this one is especially meaningful to me because she wrote it right after seeing Davis Guggenheims first cut of "An Inconvenient Truth." I am so grateful for the passion and "truth-force" that she poured into this song and music video."
So let me understand this: Melissa Etheridge watches the first cut of "An Inconvenient Truth," she is inspired to write a song about it, she chooses as its title "I Need to Wake Up," and you're not the least bit concerned that it sounds like your film put her to sleep? Not only are you unconcerned, but you are so proud of the association that you decide to put the track at the top of your playlist?
Perhaps more importantly, I'm not sure what the people at moveon.org told Gore the phrase "truth-force" means, but where I come from it's shorthand for 'chemo-fueled lesbian rage.' To be fair, I haven't actually heard "I Need to Wake Up"; as I have yet to see "Inconvenient Truth." If I were a wagering man, though, I would bet that the song is a series of softly and rasply crooned verses punctuated by intermittent bursts of concentrated, furious strumming on an amplified acoustic guitar.
Gone Going - Black Eyed Peas
I love this music and the feeling the song gives me, and I love the message about materialism. I also love the fact that the Black Eyed Peas wrote such a great song and wrapped it around a hook that comes from Jack Johnson, who is one of my all-time favorite songwriters and singers. Johnson's gift with poetry has inspired Black Eyed Peas to echo in this song the message of his original song, "Gone."
I love Jack Johnson's stuff as much as the next guy who likes melodic, chill music out on the veranda (and "Banana Pancakes" is in my list of Top 5 Hangin' in Haggar Slacks and Drinkin' a Heineken Songs), but let's understand that the only thing he and Black Eyed Peas have in common is the copious amounts of kind bud they smoke before concerts.
But Al's right, the song does have a great message about materialism. If you asked him, I'm sure he would tell you the best way to hear that message is on a 60gb iPod through BOSE noise-canceling headphones while flying on a private jet headed to a star-studded gala in your honor. You know? Like he hears it.
Does he know that this song is really about Fergie being strung out on heroin and pissing herself on stage?
This Land is Mine - Dido
Tipper introduced me to this song from Dido's second album which brought confirmation of the sparkling talent she displayed on her first album, with songs like Here with Me and Thank You. For some reason, maybe because it wasn't on iTunes right away, this song hasn't yet gotten the audience it deserves. But now it IS on iTunes. See if you like it as much as I do.
If you've read the lyrics to this song, you know just how frightening it is that Tipper was the one who introduced Al to it. Here's the chorus:
This land is mine but I'll let you rule
I let you navigate and demand
Just as long as you know, this land is mine
So find your home and settle in
Ohhh, I'm ready to let you in
Just as long as we know, this land is mine.
And you thought Gore's self-congratulatory politicking was nauseating...just imagine Tipper mumbling these haunting lyrics from the other side of a zipper-mouthed gimp mask as Al prepares to hit it from the back in the dungeon they had constructed in the storm cellar of their Carthage home after the all the kids moved out. There's an inconvenient truth for you.
After the Garden - Neil Young
I love Neil Young's passion and his courage in reawakening the music of protest in America. The Bible says "a little child shall lead them" but sometimes it's an old master like Neil Young who provides leadership. In this song his metaphor is unmistakable and powerful the very first time you hear it.
Gore was right about one thing: Young's metaphor is powerful the very first time you hear it. It wasn't before the end of the second verse that I had to take a massive shit. In my lifetime, the only thing with stronger, more immediate laxative properties is the combination of French-pressed coffee and bong rips after waking up from a 36-hour bender.
For the record, Neil Young is not passionate. Remember a few years back when they discovered all those studio rehearsal tapes of his that had the same song performed 20, 30, 40 consecutive times with little or no discernible difference between the versions? That isn't passion. That's not even perfectionism. Donald Fagen and Walter Becker are perfectionists. At best, Neil Young is obsessive-compulsive. At worst, he's fucking crazy.
And quite frankly, Young isn't courageous either. His politics are so far left that he considers protest music conciliatory. Writing songs about war threatening our lives in this veritable Garden of Eden isn't some display of courage or artistic integrity. It's evidence of historical myopia and complete stupidity.
I've had my issues with the South in the past, but maybe Lynyrd Skynyrd was right about Neil Young all along.
UMI Says - Mos Def
I like both the message and the music. I like it even more because of the integrity this artist brings to everything he does.
Translation: My "Gore in '08" PR consultants said I need something that would appeal to the coloreds, so I asked the black girl on my staff if she listened to the hip-hop and whether any of the hip-hoppers she liked spoke proper English and sang songs about things other than guns, drugs, pimps, hoes, or bling. She told me about Mos Def and Digital Underground. When she told me the lead singer of Digital Underground went by "Humpty" and wore a big fake nose that made him look like a Jew, she made my decision for me.
I'm Alright - Kim Richey
I loved this song when Kim first wrote and sang it a decade ago. It is a perennial on my playlist because it makes me feel good. Anyone who has been through a tough experience whether in love or in politics can relate to this song.
Maybe Al Gore is the forward thinking visionary he holds himself up to be. How else can you explain his contemporaneous affinity for a song that portended not only his stunning defeat in the 2000 Presidential Election but the uneasy denial in which he would live his life for the half dozen years afterward.
I listened to this song a couple of times and, admittedly, it's nice, but it's nothing extraordinary in the pantheon of songs about loss and heartbreak. The lyrics are relatable and the chorus is uplifting, but if I were Gore this song certainly wouldn't make me feel better. It would make me completely miserable.
This bitch is crooning on and on about working through heartbreak and getting wiser as she moves on with her life, while I'm 50lbs heavier and narrating a documentary about global fucking warming in order to stay relevant to a population that looks to Al Franken and Al B. Sure for guidance before it looks to me. If this song were in my regular rotation, it would take every ounce of self-control I had not to fashion a noose out of some sort of recyclable material and hang myself from an old-growth redwood. With my luck, the branch would snap under the weight of my ignominious failure and I would plummet to the hard earth below only to break my neck and spend the remainder of my days on this earth as a quadriplegic, confined to a wheelchair I'd have to steer with my chins.
The Brand New Tennessee Waltz - Jesse Winchester
This song never found a large audience but has always had great meaning for me...the original version of this song was backed by The Band on an incredible vinyl album given to me almost 40 years ago by Tommy Lee Jones. That version is not yet on iTunes, but this live performance from Canada is terrific.
This song, and its selection to run the anchor leg of this musical marathon, epitomizes both Gore's continued failure to connect with his constituency and his inability to make the right decision at the most critical times. This is Gore's opportunity to end with a bang and let people know that, while he remains true to his roots, he really does get it. What does he do?
He selects a COVER of a THE BAND song about a new take on a BORING DANCE from a BORING STATE performed by some dude from CANADA. In his description/explanation, we get a vinyl reference, a reminder of how fucking old he is, and a shout out to his freshman roommate Tommy Lee Jones. He might as well have picked a Gregorian Chant and explained the selection in Latin.
Honestly though, how do you not end with "All My Exes Live in Texas"? It's old school, but still with a bit of a cache. It takes a shot at Texas AND it culminates with a monster shout out to Tennessee. From where I sit (atop my high horse judging coldly and unapologetically), this song is the obvious choice. Eschewing it for something like The Brand New Tennessee Waltz is tantamount to running for President in an election that has essentially been handed to you and deciding, at the 11th hour, against wrapping up your campaign in celebratory fashion in your home state and, instead, concluding with trepidation in a state whose college football teams your home state loathes with every fiber of their being. I mean, who would do that?
Al Gore, that's who.
Posted by nils at 10:37 PM