I had to work late Monday night, so I was stuck taking a 10:30pm Pittsburg/BayPoint train and transferring to the Richmond line at 12th St Station. While some--including myself at times--might find this annoying and inconvenient, it was a boon for me this time. More people to baselessly judge and catalogue! With no further ado, here is Roll Call 8/30/04

# of grandparents on vacation visiting their grandkids who are scared shitless by even the slightest movement of a non-white passenger: 2

# of 45 yr old woman trying in vain to look younger by dying their hair blonde and wearing knitted pink ponchos and New Balance running shoes: 1

#of tall, mousy-yet-unusually-pretty girls standing shyly by the exits who I would have sex with: 3

# of those girls who are likely to file a restraining order against me once they get to know me...and I don't stop calling and hanging up: 3

# of short, slovenly Asian computer science students returning from class at either SFState or SF City College: 5

% of those Asian students with at least one piece of sexually explicit anime in their backpacks: 80

likelihood the backpacks they're carrying were freebies from Comdex or MacWorld Expo: 100%

likelihood that at least two of them forgot to turn off the rice-cooker before they left the house this morning: 100%

# of abnormally thin women reading science or fantasy fiction and wearing Russian Cossack hats: 2

# of hot black chicks in short black dresses, dreads, and 13-hole mid-calf combat boots: 1

# of short, drunk, jean-short wearing Mexican day-laborers who decided to sit next to or behind the hot black chick and use the need to look at the System Map (http://www.bart.gov/images/quickplanner_map_lg4.gif) as a reason to peer over and look down her dress: 3

the color my envy of said Mexican day laborers would be were it analogous to the Homeland Security Terror Alert System: ORANGE

# of people seated in my immediate vicinity who should NOT raise their hands when asked if they are, in fact, "sure": 4

# of those closet fecalphiliacs who transferred with me and sat near me for a second time: 3

# of 50+ yr old flush-cheeked white couples riding BART because they came into the City for dinner and got a little shitty: 3

# of those couples who constantly consult the System Map to see where they are going despite having lived in the Bay Area SINCE BART FUCKING OPENED IN 1972!!!: 3

# of 20-something couples that look like they've watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind waaaaaay too many times: 1

likelihood that both members of that couple work in retail or food service to fund their dream of becoming documentary filmmakers: 100%

# of hispanic guys who are chatting boisterously with one another despite never having met prior to this BART ride: 4

# of gay couples sleeping peacefully against each other: 2

# of those gay men who could probably kick the shit out of anyone on the train car: 3

# of aging hippies with long frizzy graying ponytails who are riding BART not because they are environmentally conscious but, rather, because they lost their cars and their cats in a bourbon-soaked 3-team parlay with USA on the moneyline v. Argentina, Thousand Oaks -1.5 v. Curacao in the Little League World Series, and USC -17.5 v. Virginia Tech: 1

# of filthy long-haired white-trash vagrants who nearly broke the train car doors as they tried to jam their mountain bikes into the car as the doors were closing: 2

# of the bicycle-riding C.O.P.S. stars who sat in the handicapped seats, mumbling to themselves, and picked dirt and grime from under their fingernails with a small spackling knife they pulled from their fannypack: 1

# of middle-aged, middle-management white males sporting full facial hair to combat the effects of male pattern baldness: 6

# of those Al Borland impersonators who were sitting quietly in their seats doing nothing because listening to music or reading the paper would obscure the voices in their heads telling them to go home and kill their families: 4

# of cute white girls with panic-stricken looks of abject fear painted on their faces as they realized that all the other white passengers were getting off at the second to last stop on the Richmond line and they still had one more stop to go: 2

# of those cute girls I would have sex with even though they'd probably file a restraining order against me once they got to know me...and I wouldn't stop calling and hanging up: 2

Posted by nils at 9:07 PM

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