The Thrill is Gone - January 21, 2006

"Ooh-oo child, things are gonna get easier." Whoever wrote that lyric is either the most offensive peddler of unfounded optimism in the history of the written word or a reclusive virgin. I am 27 years old, my girlfriend broke up with me last night, and it is most certainly not easier than break-ups from my past. In fact, it's excruciatingly painful. Crippling. Don't let that insipid lyric fool you. Break-ups don't get easier. They get much, much harder.

It's nothing surprising, of course. It's a function of age. When you're younger any single quality may be enough to capture your imagination and sustain a relationship until, inevitably and not so traumatically, the novelty wears off. When you're older you're more discriminating. You start looking at the totality of circumstances. You start looking at the women you date as potential wives or mothers; the men you date as potential husbands or fathers. That's why, when you think you might have found someone compatible--someone perfect--and they tell you they don't feel the same anymore, it feels like they stepped on your chest and removed your heart through your stomach.

The worst part is that this whole break-up may have been my doing. She loves me. She likes spending time with me. It's nothing physical about me. She likes my chest hair and she likes to poke (and poken fun) at the bit of extra weight I'm carrying in my stomach. It's not my personality. As a matter of fact, just before she told me that she doesn't see herself spending the rest of her life with me, she told me that I am "perfect and I do everything she could ever want." That's some pretty tasty frosting for a big slice of shitcake.

I think what did it was when I said "Fuck You" to her in the middle of a stupid argument we had a couple months back. It was at the pinnacle of my frustration at the moment and I was monumentally sorry the second the words slipped off my tongue. She shut down. I apologized profusely and explained myself. She forgave me that night. I believe her even yesterday when she said she forgave me then and forgives me now.

But I don't think she ever recovered from that initial shutdown. They say you can't unburn a bridge and I think "Fuck You" was just one big flamethrower. I would like to take some solace in the possibility that she might want to rebuild the bridge. She knows I'll provide all the raw materials and most of the labor. I know her too well, though. She is not the type inclined to give second chances to the men in her life who have crossed the threshhold of acceptable behavior with her. One misstep is one misstep too many. Knowing that my loose cannon of a mouth stoked the flames that engulfed that bridge is enough to make me absolutely fucking sick.

So yeah, that's where my head's at right now. Being dumped fucking sucks.

Posted by nils at 1:51 PM

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Comments

Fucking ignorant fool, get over it.

Posted by: Anonymous at January 21, 2006 05:40 PM

I know how your feeling man. I was in a similar situation one time where my dumb ass burned the proverbial bridge. Still kicking my ass today for it. But im still young so im hoping i learn my lessons before im at the stage of relationships that you are in.

Posted by: Thingamajig at January 21, 2006 05:51 PM

Now you'll have more time to become a member of Tuckers entourage.

Posted by: Anonymous at January 21, 2006 10:01 PM

You sound like a little bitch. Maybe if you weren't such an asshole you'd still be with you instead of dumping your fat ass. Loser.

Posted by: Anonymous at January 22, 2006 02:20 AM

"Being dumped fucking sucks."

Did you really write this? Good to see you updating again, though.

Posted by: omgroflolpwned!!11 at January 22, 2006 02:57 AM

Every anonymous asshole that has posted a comment can go fuck themselves. Each and every one of you has never gone into a relationship with open eyes and can't comprehend the proverbial kick to the nuts that you can only get when you didn't get into and didn't stay in just for a piece of ass. I hope that one day you do, and then realize your douchebag comment, and then kill yourselves.

Posted by: perdue at January 22, 2006 04:22 AM

Maybe that "fuck you" was over the line a bit, but if she dumped you over that, you have to ask yourself what would she have done if the going really got rough. SHE sounds like she may be a bit oversensitive. Losing someone you love sucks. I feel for ya, but I am glad you are posting again. You've been missed.

Posted by: jbs at January 22, 2006 10:23 AM

I love reading your blog because you're a lot like my husband. I have a tendency to be over sensitive and he has a knack for accidentally on purpose being a dick. The difference between you two is about 5 years. Five years ago I would have been hurt too easily. Five years ago he wouldn't have his inner asshole reined in and saved for people who actually deserved it. But it's not five years ago, and we're happily married. I know it's a shitty lesson, but one day you and your loving wife will thank your ex for it.

Posted by: Anonymous at January 22, 2006 01:46 PM

Best line: That's some pretty tasty frosting for a big slice of shitcake.

Drex, sorry about your break-up. But, honestly, if that is what her issue with you is than I guess you just have to accept it because I doubt you'll ever be able to not swear when you're enraged.

Seriously, if that's her breaking point, then you don't cut it. But, this was a hard way to find that out.

You say she loves you, but apparently she loves her inflated sense of self-esteem more. It appears that she didn't really forgive you after all. I'm sorry, but thanks for writing about it.

Posted by: Anonymous at January 22, 2006 04:20 PM

It feels like if you make it all your fault you have some control over it. You don't.

Breaking up sucks. It's never one person's fault and I suspect you know that. I'm not sure how you can trust someone who ends a relationship over something like this. How do you know she won't bail again when things get rough - because they always do. All people are messy, raw, insecure, mean, and petty. But none of that matters if you're ready to take on a partner to go through life. Loyalty is just as important as love.

I'm sure you don't need/want the advice of anonymous blog lurkers but I suppose that's the price of being a writer - strangers think they know something about you and your life. Maybe you didn't go through this at all and you're trying out new material. In any event you're writing some truth so good on you.

Don't lose your sense of humor and go back to your contracts reading.

Posted by: lr at January 22, 2006 05:37 PM

Sorry to hear about this. however, thanks for writing again.

Posted by: Anonymous at January 22, 2006 10:38 PM

pretty sure that everyones been in a situation where they've had there heart torn out. If you learned something from your time with her then it wasnt a loss after all, because you know better for next time. The best thing to follow the shitcake with is just hanging with friends and being stupid, it makes the hurt go away faster. Great to read your work again.

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